Things are finally getting better, Kinda

Mal.

Well my animals are upset and claiming neglect. Roberta will claim neglect no matter what, Especially when the weather is bad. She takes great joy in being contradictory and abstinent, weather she is in a glassy eyed dementia state or not. Most of the arguments had she starts just because.

I've learned several things during these 4 months. The big ones being that I no longer wish to overload my mind with useless stuff, neither do i want to hang on to anger or resentment. The amount of bitterness that Roberta will exhibit is insane. Bitterness is not what I want at her age.

It is something that I have had over the past 3 yrs. Something that is still remnant from my days in PBX at Sandia. I've tried to let time heal it, but it sticks like no other. It doesn't help that there are many people and situations that push for the bitterness to stay. Such as this one with Roberta.

I haven't been this depressed or frustrated in 4 yrs. mostly it's from the lack of sleep while being with Roberta, and then the stress of 12 hr shifts for my 3 days that I'm working. I have two months to get a costume that I want to make done, but haven't been able to seriously start it.

In fact, there are many projects that I had in the works revolving around my resolutions that have gone to the way side. I hope to fix that soon. I've been asking for y family to get a caretaker to come in on Friday's so that I can have a day to do things. however my mom has decided that means that she will stay over night a couple of more nights and not run away as late when she works.

That has help a bit, but not in the way that I need. I still have no transition time from one great big stress to the other, and it's affecting me at work. 12 hr days are a stress, this full time care is a stress. I've had a very small amount of time to calm and chill. It's affecting my sleep and health. Not a good thing I know.

I fell that I know what my big lesson is, and I'm starting to look at what I will need to do in order to put it into effect. Infact I fully intend to not stay with my family anymore. I'll let you in on more in awhile.