Allways just 2 b me!!!!!

Mal.

So it's now officially been six days since Bob passed away on Roberta and us. The only one who seemed to see it as an extreme possibility was my dad. The rest of us got sideswiped by the incedant. As far as I knew he had just the Flu or maybe Pneumonia. I was supposed to take him to his 3 pm Doctors meeting on Wednesday, January the 9th, not calling an ambulance and adopting a 85 yr old third grandmother.

That is what has happened though. Bob got too sick and didn't a whole lot with it. He Semi tried on Sunday when he asked my dad to take him to the VA to see a Doctor, but when they told him that none of the regular doctors where there to see patients he went home instead of to the ER room like he should have. I don't know why he was being so stubborn, but it continued up until Tuesday night when My dad was trying to talk him into getting in one of our cars so the dad could take him to the ER.

So know we are going paperwork and making steps to keep Roberta in her home. I was with her on Wed. and Thurs. nights last week, and mom was with her on Fri., Sat., and Sun nights. I took back over on Mon. and will go until Fri. again. I'll need to go home so that I can sleep for work on Sat. hopefully today we can get all the legal things we need to help Roberta and keep her home so that she doesn't have anymore upsets. She has seemed to come to terms of her three males now being gone, but we still don't want to leave her alone.

I'm very grateful to our neighbors George and Barbara. From the time I had to have George come over to help have Bob stop arguing with me about calling an ambulance, to helping with going through things, and watching Roberta when we can't. They have helped a GREAT deal. Things are slowly coming together, but it's been hard since we can't find any official paper work and had to take extra steps to find things. Things like what the cemetery is, what the funeral home is, and what the bills are.

This was all stuff already laid out by previous family that had passed. So this one has been a very educational experience I've put my beneficiaries for my life insurance down. Also going to be sure that it is always there so the whom ever needs will have money for a casket or for the fires. It's all extremely expensive. I'm also going to buy a little safe to put my list of current bills and debt into for just in case.

I'll write again when things are more concrete.

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Happy New Year.

Mal.

Well here it is......January 1st 2013. A whole new year in the regular calender. I've spent since the Lunar new year trying to decide on some really good Resolutions. I know 2 months is a long time isn't it? The good ones take time. So after a rough day at work, and not making it to midnight last night, I'm getting my intents ready for the New Years rite to do before the end of the week. Which I'm going to have these three working resolutions in. As well as some intents for during the year to happen. All but one from last year seems to have manifested. I'm quite happy about that. So here are my resolutions which are working intents.

Pick up my Fitness Lifestyle again, During this year because of many different reasons I've let the Fitness lifestyle that I developed over the past 3 yrs to slip. I've lost the build up I made and gained 10 pounds. This year I'm going to fix that. Especially now that I have mostly caught up on my back log of things that developed during my time in school. I should be able to grocery shop for myself now and get back on track. The Social worker at the ER told me about this place http://www.skarsgardfarms.com/ They deliver from a near by year round farmers. So I can have good groceries delivered every Friday with out having to fight people in the store. It also looks about the same of what I would spend at sprouts of Trader Joes every week.

Stop depriving myself both physically and mentally, This one I've been very bad about over this and last year. Most was due to funds, some to tiredness and some to lack of motivation to do more than what I just need to do. I've gotten myself stuck in a 'I can't do this because of _____' mode. I don't like that. I end up just staying at home, forgoing the product that makes me feel better, or skipping the activity i want to do the most because of it. This year I'm going to work at find ways to do what I want to do most. Even if it means driving somewhere with $60.00 in my pocket and sleeping in my car at the Wal-Mart there. Missing a couple of things I really wanted to do because of not having the funds really took a toll on my internal well being. The disappointment was a heavy weight.

Give in to my inner creative child more, This one has happened do to perceived sacrifice. You know all the things and people that tell you to be a different person and way 'Just to be an adult'. Well I fell into that trap too. So now since I plan not to deprive. I'm going to use this resolution to help in achieving the second one. I always have ideas and storied in my head, but always to tiered to even try them. Then feel guilty or angry that I decided not to do it. So I aim to stop doing and listening to the comparison monster and do what I internally want to do.

So with this day being the title of this song for a New Year. this is what my main daily goals are to help with the larger goals.