Well, this year started out good, and this was from the harvest new year. From November 1st until January 9th I was doing very well. I was confident in my job after several months of training and learning, I had adjusted to the schedule and was excited about what 2013 would hold. I had lots of things planned, lots of things, including travel.
Then over the weekend of January 4th, Bob the neighbor next door got sick and Dad tried to take him to the ER. He skipped and instead said he made a Dr's visit for the 9th. I got volunteered to go and take him. That morning I ended up calling 911, and he was gone by the time Roberta and I got to the hospital an hour later. After that it turned in to the most unproductive year ever. All I've done is stay with Roberta for my four days off. She has not even tried to get better. She has tried to make it her time to go instead of enjoying what time she has left. She has made the Dementia and Alzheimer's worse much quicker by refusing to do anything other than sleep. She keeps telling us that her time in this world is limited, but refuses to do anything but wait for it. This has been by far the worst thing I've ever been witness to.
I got one trip in which was my annual trip for the Masquerade Ball In July. That was a good and long trip, but not enjoyed as well as usual. For starters I slept through 85% of it. Good thing the little postage stamped hotel had comfy beds. I didn't get out of the hotel until at least 10am, and except for two days I was back by 4pm. It happened as soon as I got into the hotel room in Los Angeles. The train trip was nice. I purposely took the train so that I could change my mind frame over the 14hrs it took to get there.
The Train journey was.......interesting due to a couple of people. Then when I got my Toyota from enterprise I decided to see if my room might be ready. It is a small hotel so it wasn't and I went to go get the things I saved to get when I got there. Then when I got to check in at 2pm, I went strait to a shower and bed. Didn't even get dinner. It just seemed that the instant I didn't have to stress or worry my body decided it was time to sleep and recoup.
However on the nights of the ball, I stayed out until 3am Friday, and 2am on Saturday. Then on Sunday I took my friend who had stayed with me to his car so that he could go to a family party. I promptly went a bit further down the street to get snacks and gas for Monday's trip and went back to the hotel. Yep, I spent a whole day at the Hotel just watching TV and lounging in bed. It was awesome!! Then I went to the beach on Monday for a few hours.
I was mad at this because in all actuality I had a lot more stuff I wanted to do, but only did the big major planned stuff for the trip. In fact even during the Ball, a place where I usually get lost and enjoy a magnificent kingdom, I was disconnected and didn't enjoy it as much as I would've. It seemed to stem all from the want of my mind and body to rejuvenate through sleep. I got the feeling that if I had just stayed in the hotel the whole week my mind and body would've been very happy.
In all truth, this is probably the first year where the thought of staying and being homeless for a bit didn't seem like a joke. When it came time to go to the train home. I very seriously thought about just staying, much more than ever before. I came home and nothing had changed on the 85 yr old with Dementia and Alzheimer's front. In fact right now she is holding me captive and complaining about pains that should be gone due to the meds I've given her. She is in nothing but a depressed state, and she says she doesn't want to be a burden. However she purposely does all she can to make it seem she is getting her way, by being contradictory and agressive.
It's past time to put her in a facility. She never knows who I am, and takes an hour to recognize my Dad. However her son didn't leave her in a good position. In order to get into a facility we need to get her out from under this mortgage he took out on the house under both their names. That has been a whole other issue by itself. I just don't understand the finance world. It always has to make things so complicated and constatnly sayd you just don't quite make it.
This whole year from February till now has done nothing but make me feel ill. My body can stay very healthy as long as I can get proper rest. My numbers from a check up at work even said that except for my weight gain of 15 pounds, every thing is still good. How ever for 4 nights a week I average anywhere from 1 to 3 1/2 hours of sleep, and that has not been good on my mental health at all. Roberta seems to be fighting and resolving all her demons during the night. It ranges from mumbled talk to full out screaming matches in her sleep. Once in a while we get a week where she sleeps through the night. I will not be able to do this for another year.
We need to find a proper facility for her. One where we can go visit, but the 24 hr care is not ours. I will be able to handle that, but no more of this limbo stuff. I had hope to have my trailer for my house and maybe some framing done by now. I've done nothing but retail therapy and sit in a house bored out of my mind. It bugs me that 3 yrs after leaving a job that messed with me just like this, I'm right back where I started. This year was way to unproductive.
This next Harvest Year that is really going to change. On Oct. 31st some things are going to be looked at and changes made. Some forced like my work schedule by work. Others done for spiritual and mental health.
Stockin' your fridge
10 years ago
Posts
