Allways just 2 b me!!!!!

Mal.

Well, Hello. It seems that I have a bad habit of letting time fly past my as of Late. I still had not to much happen, except to not make it out of the ER, and let myself burn out.

Last year we had a change over of Supervisors. We also had a Large turn over of the staff. The shift I had was Always short a person. Some would come in for a part of shift, or for one shift to help, but I still felt I was doing more work than usual as new employees found their rhythm and speed. This seems to be a bad pattern that wont break any time soon.

I did two trips at the end of the year. I had asked Meghan if she wanted to go to Florida with me this year and when she looked hesitant I then offered the Ball again. She wanted to go to the ball. This year we did less in L.A. We went to Alhambra for some laser tag, our usual Shopping in the fabric district and in Japan Town, and Drove the entire Sunset Road from Downtown to the PC1. Then On Sunday we went to Catalina Island, and Monday to San Dimas for the Raging Waters Park.

LOJ Ball, Millennium Baltimore, L.A.

Avalon, Catalina Island

Raging Waters, San Dimas, Cool Water Coaster.

Then in September I went to Florida. The first afternoon Caitlyn and I drove 2 and 1/2 hours from Orlando to Clearwater. The Gulf town was cute and we saw the Dolphins from the Dolphin tale movies. We didn't get back to Orlando until around 10pm.

Clearwater Beach looking at the Gulf.

Then the next day we were up and at Universal Studios down the road from our Hotel at 9am. We were there for only one day and did half of each park. the Harry Potter World is split between both parks and connected by the Hogwarts Train. we did Dr. Sousse's land, Jurassic Park, Atlantis, and Hogsmead in one park. Then we did Diagon Alley, the Simpson's, ET, and the Men in Black areas in the main park. It was great fun on a Monday.

Hogsmead Stag, Showing My Slytherin Pride

On Tuesday we went to Sea World. I fed sea lions and looked at a few exhibits while Caitlyn did the penguin meet and greet. Then we rushed to the other side of the park where I took pictures of her feeding and playing with arctic whales. I then went through the exhibit while they finished and changed. The most memorable part of this day for me was wondering if we were going to be hit by geysers from other people on the flume ride. It was Atlantis themed and we had spent about Five dollars hitting other riders with them. Well we got on the ride not knowing it had started raining when we were indoors. So when we went down the flume to the outside, no one was at the geyser buttons, but we still got completely soaked by the rain as we went through the outside track to the second part of the ride. Then as we got off, the rain had stopped. So it had essentially Rained just to ensure we had gotten soaked for the ride. The rest of the time was sunny and warm.

The Sea Lions I fed for a while

Wednesday was for the Water Park run by Sea World, it was great fun and even though it opened the latest at 10am. We had done all the rides we wanted and spent a good deal of time in the faster Rapid's river going in circles in a life jacket by 3pm. So we left and checked into the Hotel by Disney, and got a lay of the area.

Floating in the faster Rapids River.

Thursday was when the real marathon began we were in the magic kingdom for 12hrs. We did 95% of the rides and all but one were anywhere from a 5 to 20 min wait. The longest wait we had was for the 7 Dwarfs mine train ride. It was out of fast passes and the wait never went below 70 min.

Another advantage was the skattered rains.

Friday we went to Epcot and had great fun. I feel we actually did do everything there and that it was very close to a world's fair. It made me feel not so bad about missing my own state fair during the week. We decided not to stay for the fireworks display and went back to the hotel early because we were still tired from the day before.

my favorite building, I like shiny things.

Saturday was the Animal Kingdom and it was very nice. Set up much like Sea World it was lots of animals with a few Rides mixed in. It was a lot of fun, and we finished by early afternoon again. So we also went to Downtown Disney which was renamed Disney Springs. There was a lot to do there but we weren't up for a good part of it. I did do some shopping of things we had not seen in the parks though.

Safari Tour

Sunday was mostly breakfast and travel. I almost felt punished for leaving. I had gotten to my gate an 1 1/2 hour early. Then a half hour later found out we were on a 2 hour delay which wasn't good because I had an 1 hr 75 min lay over. Then to top it off we sat on the tarmac for another 20 min. All this was due to JFK having a runway under construction. When We were on final approach it was 7:20 pm and my flight would begin boarding at 7:25. I was told that Final boarding would probably be at 7:55 which was when I was running down the gangway at gate 23 and needing to get to gate 4. I ran the horseshoe and got to gate 4 to only see no one and the screens declaring Closing. Luckily a guy was at the next gate and after my small melt down I went over and he let me down the gangway. I called home as I was the last one of the five still outside the plane getting on. I got home that night but my suitcase obviously didn't.

This all wouldn't have been too bad I guess. If I wasn't still stressed out and getting ready for a schedule change, among a few other things, but I can't help wonder if I was being told I should've stayed. These days I really do wonder. My schedule change was not what I had hoped, and now I really need to take care of myself and find something new.

This year is a solo trip to the Ball in August, and hopefully a good change. I have been putting my nose to the grindstone and not getting the satisfaction I need. In fact I'm now slipping badly in some areas, and it's not a good thing. If theses are not signs I don't know what is.

Well hopefully I will remember to log more for my family. Hopefully it will be my adventures, and no more complaining.

<3 Mal.

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Well, It's a New Year Already.

Mal.

It's now 2015, and I must say I'm a bit shell shocked in how fast it came. I feel like 2014 flew by with just a few things happening, and 2013 took a very long time to pass with Very few things happening. Hopefully this means that 2015 will be the year I meant for both previous to be. I just had one year of a big lesson and the other was A year of recovery from the lesson year of no sleep. This year I will work on getting things done. No, Really I will. I've already started a hobby that I really like, and am starting to look at different areas of the organization. I do like the ER and my schedule of three days on and four days off, but the situations that have come up have made me very tiered. It's time to try something new before I burn out.

I'm hoping that that something new to try will happen soon. I'm getting many of the things that I have wanted but kept talking myself four of because of , well, what ever. I also hope to make it back to Florida this year. Last year I went to NY on an overnight trip and then took Meghan to California with me for 9 days. This year I hope to do just the weekend in California for

my Ball, and then do 7 to 9 days in Florida with Kaitlin. We want to go see the Harry Potter land in Universal studios, and maybe the new Fantasyland in Disney. Hope to plan both of these soon. Other than that not too much else. I will post more on my new hobby after we settle a bit more with it. I've been a regular every Monday since mid November. Who would've thought that Laser Tag could be awesome Cardio??

Write soon I promise. No, Really this time I promise this year will have much more communication from me.

Luv Mali.

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Not much, but Sorry I haven't said so.

Mal.

Wow. It's really been awhile since I've posted hasn't it? sorry for those who like updates.
Not much has really been going on this year. I started the year stressed and confident because we had switched to a new computer system at work and everyone was working on getting into a grove. Then in February I took and overnight trip to New York city to see if I would want to take a longer trip via the new Jetblue flights. It was nice. The plane landed at 5:30am and the Subway was easy to find from JFK airport. I was in the city and found my hotel by 7am. My hotel didn't have any left over rooms, so I went north two blocks to Central park to check out all the snow they had received over the two days before my arrival.
It was very cold and very awesome. I went back down to find breakfast near my hotel and a drugstore to get gloves and a hat. I left them at home on the table heh.
I wondered through the whole southern half of the park seeing the playgrounds, the skating rink, the zoo, and an area of the park which had big broad paths with band shells and busts of famous scholars and past figures.
I had to walk around the east side of the park because I came out around 85th street, and went to the hotel around 4pm. My legs hurt very badly and I couldn't talk myself into going out anymore.
The next morning when I got up around 8am it was snowing outside again. I got ready and about 10am an hour before check out it stopped. I decided to walk south to Times square and then went to grand central station, and the empire state building.
New york was a bit like the first time i went walking in San Francisco by myself.
Very large with no way for me to fully find directions, but for some of the street signs and Google maps on my phone. It was great fun, and to top it off since it was so cold and President's weekend, the city was not supper busy. I got to walk around and see a lot of wonderful buildings and parks without too many people around me.

Then this summer I did my usual pilgrimage to LOJ. This year I took my cousin Meghan with me for a graduation present. She has turned 18 and is now out of high school. I still remember when she was in NICU and itty bitty like it was just a few years ago. We did all the things, except a few closed shops, that I love to do in Los Angeles. This was her first trip without any of her parents. So I was determined to make it memorable. Sunburns from the beach included.
We took the train out and back. It was 2 and a half hours late picking us up because of something up the tracks, but made it up a bit overnight and we were only one hour late pulling into Union Station in downtown L.A. Then we were an hour early coming back home.

In between not much but work sleep and stress happened. Well except for a person of interest whom had time taken up by school and work. hopefully soon we will get to at least getting to know each other better soon, when schooling is over.

I shall try and see about updating more in the future. :-)

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Last day of a hard journey.

Mal.

Hello, I'm sorry that this year has not been a good one. For me or for adventures. If you look at my rants from this year, which came at my most frustrated and restless points, you'll see what I mean. Roberta passed away very quietly on Christmas night. Right after the main bulk of our family left the house around 5 pm. I went in to turn down her space heater we had on while the main house one was turned off, and to turn on her bathroom light that she liked to have on during the night. She looked normal until I spoke to her. I think I had come if not right after, then a few minutes after. The hospice and morgue came to get her with in a half an hour.

I'm quite relieved that her suffering is over. It really bothered me that quite a bit of it was self afflicted until she pushed her dementia and Alzheimer's into the forefront. Then there was no turning back.

So now we are on to a new year. I plan to finish what I had started in the first two weeks of this year. I also plan to get back onto my proper eating which I lost due to stress. I had begun going through my things and getting rid of what I don't need or didn't use. I now have more stuff to do that with seeing as I got things while living in Roberta's house during my days off. I am a bit bugged as this year I have lost a day off in order to get it done quickly.

My schedule at work was changed. I no longer have 3 12hr days. I now work 4 9 1/2hr days which feel like 4 12 hr days. I'm not really fond of it. I'm hoping that a three day shift will come up at some point that I can get. Part time is not in the cards for me at this time even though that was the latest three day to open.

I was also bad with my spending. I had told myself I would save money this year in order to start on my little house I wish to do. Frustration, boredom, and access to Amazon were not a good combination for me this year. In the end I learned A LOT of things about myself and my environment.

I have a couple of trips planned for this year. One in Feb and my annual one for Cali. I'm planning on taking my cousin with me for a graduation present. we have a lot of the same interests, but don't get to see each other often. I thought it would be fun, and I'm not sure that my normal traveling companion will be coming. Other than that I'm glad to finally not be relying on someone who is nothing but unreliable, and have my freedom to do what I need to.

I've been a bit jealous of everyone who had a good year when I was stuck in a holding pattern, but that is something I'm letting go tonite. 2013 ended up being something completely different form what I had set out to do.

2014 however, I feel that this one will be my year. The year I had meant for this year to be.

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This year was not a good one, again.

Mal.

Well, this year started out good, and this was from the harvest new year. From November 1st until January 9th I was doing very well. I was confident in my job after several months of training and learning, I had adjusted to the schedule and was excited about what 2013 would hold. I had lots of things planned, lots of things, including travel.

Then over the weekend of January 4th, Bob the neighbor next door got sick and Dad tried to take him to the ER. He skipped and instead said he made a Dr's visit for the 9th. I got volunteered to go and take him. That morning I ended up calling 911, and he was gone by the time Roberta and I got to the hospital an hour later. After that it turned in to the most unproductive year ever. All I've done is stay with Roberta for my four days off. She has not even tried to get better. She has tried to make it her time to go instead of enjoying what time she has left. She has made the Dementia and Alzheimer's worse much quicker by refusing to do anything other than sleep. She keeps telling us that her time in this world is limited, but refuses to do anything but wait for it. This has been by far the worst thing I've ever been witness to.

I got one trip in which was my annual trip for the Masquerade Ball In July. That was a good and long trip, but not enjoyed as well as usual. For starters I slept through 85% of it. Good thing the little postage stamped hotel had comfy beds. I didn't get out of the hotel until at least 10am, and except for two days I was back by 4pm. It happened as soon as I got into the hotel room in Los Angeles. The train trip was nice. I purposely took the train so that I could change my mind frame over the 14hrs it took to get there.
The Train journey was.......interesting due to a couple of people. Then when I got my Toyota from enterprise I decided to see if my room might be ready. It is a small hotel so it wasn't and I went to go get the things I saved to get when I got there. Then when I got to check in at 2pm, I went strait to a shower and bed. Didn't even get dinner. It just seemed that the instant I didn't have to stress or worry my body decided it was time to sleep and recoup.

However on the nights of the ball, I stayed out until 3am Friday, and 2am on Saturday. Then on Sunday I took my friend who had stayed with me to his car so that he could go to a family party. I promptly went a bit further down the street to get snacks and gas for Monday's trip and went back to the hotel. Yep, I spent a whole day at the Hotel just watching TV and lounging in bed. It was awesome!! Then I went to the beach on Monday for a few hours.

I was mad at this because in all actuality I had a lot more stuff I wanted to do, but only did the big major planned stuff for the trip. In fact even during the Ball, a place where I usually get lost and enjoy a magnificent kingdom, I was disconnected and didn't enjoy it as much as I would've. It seemed to stem all from the want of my mind and body to rejuvenate through sleep. I got the feeling that if I had just stayed in the hotel the whole week my mind and body would've been very happy.

In all truth, this is probably the first year where the thought of staying and being homeless for a bit didn't seem like a joke. When it came time to go to the train home. I very seriously thought about just staying, much more than ever before. I came home and nothing had changed on the 85 yr old with Dementia and Alzheimer's front. In fact right now she is holding me captive and complaining about pains that should be gone due to the meds I've given her. She is in nothing but a depressed state, and she says she doesn't want to be a burden. However she purposely does all she can to make it seem she is getting her way, by being contradictory and agressive.

It's past time to put her in a facility. She never knows who I am, and takes an hour to recognize my Dad. However her son didn't leave her in a good position. In order to get into a facility we need to get her out from under this mortgage he took out on the house under both their names. That has been a whole other issue by itself. I just don't understand the finance world. It always has to make things so complicated and constatnly sayd you just don't quite make it.

This whole year from February till now has done nothing but make me feel ill. My body can stay very healthy as long as I can get proper rest. My numbers from a check up at work even said that except for my weight gain of 15 pounds, every thing is still good. How ever for 4 nights a week I average anywhere from 1 to 3 1/2 hours of sleep, and that has not been good on my mental health at all. Roberta seems to be fighting and resolving all her demons during the night. It ranges from mumbled talk to full out screaming matches in her sleep. Once in a while we get a week where she sleeps through the night. I will not be able to do this for another year.

We need to find a proper facility for her. One where we can go visit, but the 24 hr care is not ours. I will be able to handle that, but no more of this limbo stuff. I had hope to have my trailer for my house and maybe some framing done by now. I've done nothing but retail therapy and sit in a house bored out of my mind. It bugs me that 3 yrs after leaving a job that messed with me just like this, I'm right back where I started. This year was way to unproductive.

This next Harvest Year that is really going to change. On Oct. 31st some things are going to be looked at and changes made. Some forced like my work schedule by work. Others done for spiritual and mental health.

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